Episode 36

Written By Petr Klapka

⏱ First 30 Minutes

The session kicks off with casual table banter—Buffy, House, and Rome get some love—before the DM brings the table to order and begins the adventure proper.

After receiving player consent for recording, the story picks up where it last left off:
The party is deep in the swamp, escorting a baby bear that had been cruelly summoned and drained by mechanomagical devices in Malignus’ tower. This creature is meant to be returned to its mother, and Ranger Leah had a hunch about where the mama bear might be found.

The party, led by Dirk the Goblin Ranger, treks across the boggy terrain and arrives at a semi-dry “island” in the middle of the swamp—Bear Island.

There, they meet Sister Bear, who is the aunt of the baby bear. She is delighted to see her niece but offers only a tentative alliance. She warns (through Dirk and Peppercorn’s use of Speak with Animals) the party not to celebrate too soon: Mother Bear is trapped somewhere on the island, beset by "evil rocks" within her den, and Sister Bear herself was driven out by this malevolent presence.

She wants nothing to do with the party unless they can prove themselves by rescuing Mother Bear. As a test of worthiness—and perhaps as a rite of passage for bonding with an animal companion—she takes the baby bear away to safety, leaving the party to face the island and its dangers alone.

✨ Highlights & Giggles

  • Banter about “Buffy,” “Rome,” and “House” dominates the intro
  • Petr, as DM, channels just the right mix of gravitas and humor with the phrase:
    "She lives with her sister... which is a strange arrangement for a bear."
  • The phrase “evil rocks” gets dropped mysteriously—definitely a hook

⏱ 30–60 Minute Segment

After accepting Sister Bear’s challenge, the party sets off deeper into Bear Island to locate and rescue Mother Bear. But the path forward isn’t safe—it’s riddled with giant piss clams, lying in wait beneath the sand. Yes, really.

The clams respond to disturbance, erupting upward like geysers if anyone gets too close, knocking the party prone. The party quickly deduces they’re dealing with timed ambush predators. Voscheck takes the lead on tactical testing, firing an Eldritch Blast into one of the clam mounds from a distance. The blast provokes a violent response—perfect confirmation of the threat.

Through teamwork and skill checks:

  • Voscheck tests clam cooldown timing with additional blasts.
  • Successful Nature and Survival checks reveal that the clams’ refractory period is 2–5 minutes.
  • The team devises a pattern: shoot, wait, move, using ranged magic to safely discharge hazards before proceeding.

A brief tech hiccup occurs when Bevin (Peppercorn) freezes on remote video. The table jokes that he's "stuck in the clam" or got overwhelmed by "clam juice." 😄

Once past the clam gauntlet, the party continues clockwise around the island. The environment slowly changes:

  • The sandy terrain shifts into shale and red iron-rich stone
  • The air turns still and heavy, with no tidal motion—just stagnant swampwater
  • The landscape partially evokes the look of Acadia National Park Cliffs, but corrupted and swampy

The group remains on high alert, moving closer to what is likely the den of Mother Bear, now somewhere hidden within the red stone terrain...

🧟‍♂️ Threats/Challenges

  • Giant Ambush Clams: Explosive, hidden in sand, predictable if timed
  • Hazardous Terrain: Shifting beach → shale → red rock zone; environment is ominous and strange

🧠 Knowledge & Discoveries

  • Clams have a 2–5 min cooldown
  • Island has unnatural geology—high iron content, eerie stillness
  • Terrain likely marks a transition into the domain of Mother Bear

✨ Highlights & Giggles

  • “Stuck in the clam” becomes the meme of the moment when Bevin freezes 😆
  • Voscheck blasting divots like a fantasy sniper earns respect and strategy points
  • Jokes about “clam juice”

⏱ 60–90 Minute Segment

The party continues their cautious journey through Bear Island's red stone terrain. There’s an undercurrent of mystery and growing tension as they reach the cliff tops, take a short rest and Brynn hears chanting on the wind, possibly tied to the “evil rocks” plaguing the island.

🪨 Lore Drop: Rock Monster!
A humorous but intriguing discovery arises from Voscheck, who happens to recall a long-forgotten songbook he read long ago. The song in question, titled "Rock Monster", was a hit with young monks and performed in the genre of... wait for it…
Ecclesiastic Dance Music (EDM).

The song’s hook? A rhythmic chant of "mook, mook, mook."

From this bizarre clue, the party surmises:

  1. There may be an actual Rock Monster on the island.
  2. The chanting they’re hearing might be some kind of summoning ritual—or worse, a performance.

The group votes to investigate the sound, heading snorthweasterly (not a typo—they said it that way 😄) under the cover of shrubbery, with the support of Pass Without Trace.

🕶️ Stealth Ops: The Snorthweasterly Shuffle

  • Impressive rolls across the board, with some in the mid-30s range (!)
  • Umbra (assumed) lands a 35, Voscheck a 36, and the rest range from 17–28
  • Even a natural 1 still results in a stealthy 17 due to massive bonuses

Despite a regression to the mean for one unlucky roller, the party blends into the terrain like spectral fog.

🧭 Tactical Decision Point The team confirms they're cutting through the island center, toward the bushes where movement was spotted.

Banter ensues about leaving behind the squirting clams and heading from “the clams to the bush.” 🤦‍♀️💀 Let’s just say the table leaned into the innuendo.

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Character Highlights

  • Voscheck (Jeremy R.): Drops the “Rock Monster” lore bomb
  • Umbra (Jeramy S.): Top-tier stealth rolls
  • Party-wide: Fully engaged and stealthy AF

🧟‍♂️ Threats/Challenges

  • Mysterious chanting in the north
  • Possible summoning of a Rock Monster
  • Stealth remains crucial—combat could break out at any moment

🎶 Revelations & Lore

  • EDM monk chants are now canon 😂
  • “Rock Monster” may be culturally significant
  • Chanting is likely ritualistic

✨ Highlights & Giggles

  • “Snorthweasterly” direction is now a thing
  • “From the clams to the bush” earns groans and laughs
  • Petr, deadpan: “When in doubt, go for the bush.”

⏱ 90–120 Minute Segment

After spotting movement in the blurpleberry bushes, and Brynn misses, the party initiates a trap:
Voscheck uses Minor Illusion to conjure a basket, aiming to fool a strange blue creature into thinking it has been trapped. A rare opportunity for non-lethal capture.

Bob discovers that setting a snare trap within the timespan of a 6-second round isn’t really doable.
Back in-game, the group coordinates as multiple members move in toward the illusory basket.

🎭 The Reveal Eventually, Dirk dives for the basket—and his hands pass right through it.
“Minor illusion doesn’t hold up to scrutiny and touch.”

Dirk realizes: Voscheck faked the basket.
It’s a clever ruse for the creature, not for the party. Voscheck's gambit is that the strange blue being will be fooled by the illusion, even if his teammates aren't. Everyone has a good laugh, especially imagining Dirk’s internal monologue:
“Dammit, Voscheck…”

🎣 Capture Attempt The party switches gears. Dirk attempts to physically grab the creature:

  • First unarmed strike: misses
  • Second attempt: 16 — Success!

He successfully captures the creature, described as a “wriggling little fucker” with a high wriggle factor (wriggle +10, apparently 😂). The creature immediately goes limp, playing dead (badly).

🗣️ Undercommon Diplomacy Brynn speaks gently to the creature in Undercommon:
“We are not going to hurt you. We might tie you up though.”
Her accent is described as “German with a head cold”, triggering laughter.
A comedic round of translations follows.

🤝 Interaction Outcome

  • The captured blue creature does not resist
  • It remains silent, limp, and passive
  • Brynn tries to read its reaction—insight or persuasion checks pending
  • We exit initiative/round order

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Character Highlights

  • Voscheck: Tactical mastermind with a clever illusion-based trap
  • Dirk: Physically subdues the creature in a two-roll showdown
  • Brynn: Diplomatic and hilarious, speaks Undercommon with unexpected flair
  • Peppercorn, Aubrey & Shadow: In position, supporting the capture effort

👾 Encounter Details

  • Blue creature: Unknown swamp entity, small and elusive
  • Tactic used: Minor Illusion trap → physical capture → peaceful contact
  • Now held by Brynn, subdued, and potentially ready to communicate

✨ Highlights & Giggles

  • The “Minor Illusion Basket” twist was brilliant and hilarious
  • Table banter around round economy, actions, and words was top-tier nerdiness
  • Undercommon spoken with a sinus infection = canon now

⏱ 120–150 Minute Segment

After capturing the strange blue creature, the party attempts to interrogate it.
Voscheck intimidates the being and tells it to warn its allies or get them to stand down. The creature responds by screaming.

🎲 Combat is initiated.

🎲 Initiative Rolls

  • Brynn: 24
  • Peppercorn: 23
  • Others: High teens to mid-10s
  • Umbra: 14

Enemies include:

  • Biters
  • Slingers
  • ...and “the little shits”

⚔️ Encounter Setup The group realizes they’re facing Xvarts with swarm-like behavior:

  • Intimidation may have failed or provoked an ambush
  • Enemies emerge from the brush
  • Real-time tactics unfold

🧠 Table Banter & Highlights

  • “Is that a Marjorie muffin?” — someone snacks through the tension
  • “The little shits” becomes a semi-official enemy type

🧠 Strategic Tension

  • Battlefield forming
  • Players focus on movement, economy, threat priority
  • The mystery of Mother Bear and chanting still looms

⏱ 150–180 Minute Segment

Combat escalates against the Xvart tribe.

🔥 Combat Highlights

  • Shadow drops a Fireball like an arcane diva:

    • Hits 3 slingers
    • 8d6 damage—at least one evaporates
    • Finishes the spell in Infernal

  • Voscheck gets dropped in one round!

    • Biters are extremely aggressive
    • He recovers with a Nat 20 on death save next round

  • Peppercorn is in a bush. 🌵😂

    • Not just any bush—a Christmas cactus
    • Possibly remote-controlling the cat
    • Tries to defuse with music—too late

  • Aubrey shines:

    • Buffs, blasts, and delivers Shocking Grasp via familiar (Visha)

  • Brynn holds the original scout Xvart

    • It gnaws her arm for 37 HP
    • She finishes it decisively

🧙 Magic, Tactics & Terrain

  • Bushes = difficult terrain
  • Tracking:
    • Action/movement economy
    • Line of sight
  • Prioritizing:
    • Flanking
    • AoE zones
    • Avoiding blast radius

✨ Highlights

  • “It’s a Christmas cactus!”
  • “He was never our friend” — re: the blue creature
  • Aubrey’s cat zap gets style points

⏱ 180–210 Minute Segment

Combat ends, but danger still lurks.
With time bought, the team reconnoiters two cave entrances.

🦴 Two Cave Entrances

  • One: Drumming & chanting
  • One: Quieter, but still smells of bear

Peppercorn scouts the quieter one:

  • Athletics (w/ climber’s kit): 16
  • Reaches the entrance, smells bear, hears distant chanting
  • Climbs back up and reports

👣 Second Entrance

  • 4-ft drop—party lowers in
  • No reference to compare both entrances
  • Try using landmarks or audio cues to align paths

👂 Sensory Info

  • Smell: Bear musk
  • Sound: Chanting and drums
  • Sight: Pitch black (stealth, no torches)

⏱ 210–240 Minute Segment

The team enters the cavern interior and sees the totem:

🪨 Totem Description

  • Jagged fangs
  • Thick raised arms
  • Stonelike body
  • Crown of concentric rings
  • Stones jammed in cracks—growing from rock

Offerings Around It:

  • Cracked bones
  • Broken claws/teeth
  • Left-behind stones

🧠 Investigation & Lore

  • Passive Perception (18) reveals:
    • Bones are ritualistic
    • Connected to a supplanted bear cult

Skill Checks:

  • Survival: 24
  • Nature: 19
  • Religion: 14

Findings:

“There once was a bear cult here... but it’s been violently supplanted.”
“This new cult is obsessed with stone, teeth, and falling rocks.”
“Probably a bear in there. And they want to hurt it.”

Aubrey turns into a bat and scouts the early passages.

🌑 Geography & Obstacles

  1. Chasm: Nasty, unknown depth
  2. Hole: Splits corridor, impassable without caution
  3. Xvarts visible—some chant, others guard
  4. Multi-level dungeon; cracked, dangerous, tactical hellscape

🧠 Revelations

  • Original cult: Bear-focused
  • New cult: Stone-obsessed
  • Rock Monster is real and revered
  • Mother Bear likely imprisoned inside

✨ Table Moments

  • “I thought the mom was alive? … It’s going to be bad.”
  • “Are the hole and the chasm the same depth?” – We don’t know.
  • Jumping over bottomless pits like it’s Tuesday

🔥 Stakes

  • Rescuing Mother Bear now tied to complex dungeon
  • The lair is a ritual battleground
  • Enemies are organized, mystical, and deadly
Petr Klapka
Next

Episode 35